So what does that say about me

Daylight hits my face after a deep sleep and having dreamt about being at a Miley Cyrus concert (that is NOT one of my real dreams, I would like to state for the record), I move a leg.

FRIGAN OUCH.

I am sore from head to toe. My arms ache, my legs ache, I think I've found a muscle that I didn't know existed.

Oh, I am so mad at Bikram.

It is 11:23 PM and you know what? I still feel the SAME way I did this morning. But damn it, instead of being a blabbering idiot about this, what does this really say about me?

The last time I did Bikram yoga it rocked my world, enough so that I showed up to class again the next day. It made me feel refreshed, open, detoxified. This was in 2005 or 2006, about 3-4 years ago in SF, CA where I walked everyday, maybe 1-2 hrs. everyday, without even thinking about it. It was before my pregnancy and before the baby. Before suburban-car-driving life where my only daily exercise is daily chores and any other exercise has to be done consciously. It was before my body transformed into a "post" something or another. It didn't actually transform, it kinda became a new creature by default and reclaiming this skin is taking me some frigan time. I've retained the 10 lbs that I got from being pregnant. I really can't call it a post-pregnancy body anymore b/c my baby's almost 2. And what the hell am I complaining about when I only have 10 lbs to lose??? I live in America for goodness sakes, these people here have like, 100's of pounds to lose!!!

So what does it really say about me?

Am I just a lazy-ass?

Do I just love food too much? (oh lordy do I love food)

Do I not know how to do this?

----OR----

DOES MY FAT JUST REALLY LOVE ME TOO MUCH TO LEAVE ME????

I don't know. I don't know what it says about me. All I know is that if it's hard for me to fight this little battle that seems like a war, I know that the way my world is built around me doesn't help it. But that doesn't mean there aren't ways to climb out of here. I've got my mini steps set up. I guess I just wanted to be bitch-slapped by somebody besides myself and it took Bikram to remind me why this has to be done in the first place, this physical health thing.

So this is my next message to Bikram: Thanks for the bitch-slap.